The Pinocchio Effect

Fitness is so much more than just a state of body. Perhaps more importantly it is a state of mind. I am confident in my own value and self worth. The fact that I have a zit, or the fact that my belly isn’t flat, or the fact that my nose looks too big from certain angles is simply irrelevant to my sense of self now. Imperfections that used to make me feel socially crippled are just not a factor anymore. I know that my core is strong, that my body is capable and that I have the ability to endure and achieve more than I can currently imagine. Who wouldn’t want that? I used to say to myself: I have a husband, therefore I must be worth something. My professors gave me good grades, therefore I must be worth something. My sense of self worth was wrapped up in the affirmation I received from others. It was wrapped up in the image I could present which showed that OTHER people approved of me, therefore you should too.

Now, my affirmation of myself is the cornerstone of the new vision I’m building. If my boss particularly loves something I do at work, its nice but its not the defining moment of my week that it used to be. If he’s upset with something I did wrong it isn’t earth shattering anymore. No matter what anyone else thinks of me or my efforts, I respect the hell out of myself when I run.

I re-read some of my older blog posts this week. I talked back in September about releasing myself from the self imposed barriers to which I had chained myself. I’m still letting go of those barriers and dropping those chains with each step that I run. But now I’m also letting go of the strings that used to control my movements. Like Pinnochio, I’m no longer reacting to strings which pull me to dance at someone else’s whim. I’m becoming REAL.